Girls gone Mild
by chatnoir1
Summary: Pepper, Natasha and Jane go to the Malibu mansion for some girl bonding.
1. There's a naked God on the sofa

**Girls gone Mild**

**A.N.: **This is a work of fanfiction. Any resemblance to real Norse Gods, Super Heroes, or their significant others is unintentional. Thank you.A bottle of Dom Perignon White Gold Jeroboam limited edition champagne will set you back $40,000.

**There's a naked God on the sofa**

A limo pulled up in front of Tony Stark's Malibu mansion and three women crawled out, with more or less grace. It had been a three martini ride. Pepper Potts managed to find her feet, and helped Jane Foster and Natasha Romanoff towards the door. The driver followed with their luggage. They were having a girl's weekend - no genius billionaire playboy philanthropists or Norse thunder Gods with really big hammers, scientists with anger management problems or archers invited. Pepper unlocked the front door, walked inside and came to an abrupt halt. Jane couldn't stop in time and bumped into her. Natasha stepped gracefully to the side as their driver dropped the bags onto the floor.

"Oh. My. God."

"Bozhe moi."

"You've gotta be kidding me." Pepper said, seeing the karaoke machine that was set up in one corner of the room. "Oh, and can I add an Oh My God to Jane's please."

"Forget the tip, just give me his number."

Lying sprawled on his back on one of the leather sofas, was a naked Norse God of Mischief. Asleep or possibly passed out. There was an empty bottle of Dom Perignon White Gold Jeroboam lying on the floor next to the sofa, so Pepper figured passed out was most likely.

"I don't think we can call Loki Thor's 'little' brother any more." Jane managed to say. Natasha nodded in agreement.

Pepper, ever cool and collected, was going through her mental list of current and past boyfriends and comparing physical characteristics. It wasn't even close. She tipped the limo driver and pushed him out the door.

Jane walked over and picked up her bag, reached inside and retrieved her digital camera. She took several shots, from different angles. "These are going on my Facebook page. I'll make the album public, because this should be shared with everyone. God, I sound like Darcy."

A moan came from the sofa, and then there was a languid, sensual stretch. Jane got pictures of that as well. Two very green eyes opened and tried to focus. "Hello?"

"Hello." Pepper answered, as Loki managed to sit up. He blinked at her a few times, then rose unsteadily to his feet and headed towards the doors that opened out to the pool. Pepper looked at Jane and Natasha, and they followed him.

Loki managed to get into the pool without falling. He was proud of that. "Would one of you be so kind as to bring me a large glass of cold water." Pepper did the honors, she was sort of the unofficial hostess, and they watched while Loki poured the water over his head. "Another?" Four glasses later, Loki was feeling a bit more himself. "I can't help but notice your fixation with my nether regions. What can I say? I am Loki, of Asgard, and I am burdened with a glorious penis." He laughed. "Any questions?"

"You've cut your hair." Jane offered. "I like it."

"An observation, not a question. And one that is irrelevant, since I do not care about what you think of my appearance. But I did sit through tedious hours of etiquette instruction as a child, and the non-optional social convention would indicate that I should thank you for the compliment. So thank you."

"Ok, I'll bite.' Pepper said. "But keep the snarky sarcasm to a minimum, please. If I wanted snark, I'd have invited Tony. Why are you here?"

"I like this place a great deal, and I may make it my permanent base when I am in Midgard. I am sorry about the mess last time. Dionysus crashed my little soirée. And yes, the Greek Gods exist as well. Aphrodite has been trying to get me into bed with her since I entered puberty. But, I digress. The-All-Father has lifted my restrictions and I am free to travel when and where I wish. With Heimdall's ever watchful eye upon me, of course."

"Of course." Pepper crossed her arms. "How long will we be graced with your charming presence?"

"Until I'm ready to leave, of course." Loki made a tsking sound. "I was going to grill in a bit, if that makes my presence more tolerable for you. Prawns and vegetable kebabs, both with my own special marinades. I made a cheesecake yesterday and there is still some left over."

"Tony doesn't have a grill."

"He does now. A Firemagic Aurora series propane grill, to be exact. It's quite nice. A gift from Director Fury." Loki smirked.

Natasha raised a hand. "Is your cheesecake as good as your cookies?"

"Better."

Natasha looked over at Pepper. "He stays. We need that cheesecake and we can't take a chance that Loki would take it with him if he left."

Loki snorted. "As if you could force me to leave. I do what I want, remember."

Natasha, Pepper and Jane rolled their eyes as one and went back inside the mansion. They grabbed their respective bags and went to pick out rooms. Loki had already claimed the master suite, of course. A quick change into bathing suits and they were back out by the pool. Loki was nowhere to be seen.

"If he changed his mind and went somewhere else, he'd better have left us some cheescake." said Natasha, eyes narrowed.

They had been in the pool perhaps twenty minutes when Loki reappeared. He was now dressed in a pair of loose fitting black cotton pants that hung dangerously low on his hips and a ribbed green tank top. He glanced at the suits and raised an eyebrow.

"I find your modesty rather quaint." He shook his head bemusedly. "I decided the dinner required a Vouvray, and though Stark seems to have every distilled beverage known to humanity here, his wine selection is sadly lacking." Loki stood there looking thoughtfully at the grill for a moment, then he was gone again. He returned a few minutes later with a folding table. "I needed a place to set the food and marinades."

"Isn't that one of Tony's lab tables?" Pepper asked, noticing the table had 'Tony's Stuff' written on it in bold red letters.

Loki shrugged. "I was reasonably careful when I moved the metal monstrosity sitting upon it. I don't think I damaged it. Well, not much."

_(Meanwhile, in Stark Tower, Tony was yelling and promising to kill Thor's little brother)_

Loki poured a glass of wine for each of the women and one for himself, then he brought out the shrimp, the vegetable kebabs, and started making culinary magic.

Pepper took a sip of her wine. "That smells wonderful, Loki. But this is supposed to be a girl's only weekend. Not to be rude, but could you..."

"I can change into a female form, but this gathering sounds dreadfully dull, so I think I'll pass. Besides, I have places to go, mischief to make, that sort of thing. I will say my goodbyes after dinner. I love cheesecake and it doesn't teleport very well."

No tables had survived Loki's last visit, and he hadn't replaced them, but everyone made do; by balancing plates on laps, or getting back into the pool and setting them on the edge. Food was consumed and the chef thanked. Then it was time for dessert. Loki brought out the cheesecake and it was 'cut what you want.'

"Oh. My. God. This is better than sex with your brother and I didn't just say that."

Loki laughed. "I will be sure and mention that to Thor."

Pepper closed her eyes in bliss. "Can you have an orgasm just from eating cheesecake?"

"Yes." Natasha answered. "Yes you can. You should have used this instead of the Chitauri, Loki. You might have won."

"You are most gracious." He nodded in acknowledgement. He finished his piece of cheesecake, then he was gone. He left them the mess. Of course.

Pepper waved at the empty place formerly occupied by the Norse God of Mischief. "Well, girl friends, as far a nightlife goes in Malibu, they don't have any. So, unless you want to take a cab to L.A. or Santa Monica, we'll have to create our own party."

"Well, we have plenty of alcohol and the karaoke machine. It's a start."

tbc...


	2. Is Karaoke Japanese for Painful Noise?

**Is Karaoke Japanese for Painful Noise?**

The last of the Vouvray was gone. Pepper put the remaining cheesecake back in the fridge, and discovered a half gallon of orange juice, milk, cream, a half carton of organic free range chicken eggs, Laughing Cow cheese and some portabella mushrooms. She opened the freezer door and found several cartons of Ben and Jerry's - Cherry Garcia, Mint Chocolate Cookie, Vanilla Heath Bar Crunch, Mud Pie and Phish Food. "Looks like Loki nested. And he likes ice cream."

"Yeah, Loki has a real sweet tooth." Jane said. "Showers, change and then we'll figure out what's what? I'd love to try out that karaoke machine."

After showers and changing into comfy lounge about clothes (Natasha's had Hello Kitty on them), they reconvened back in the living room. Pepper found two more bottles of Vouvray stashed behind the bar and refilled their glasses.

Jane and Natasha walked over to have a look at the karaoke player. "Oh it has 'Bohemian Rhapsody!'" Jane practically squealed.

Natasha grabbed one of the two mikes. "Let's do this."

There are many things that Jane and Natasha do well. Singing, alas, is not one of them. Somewhere, out in the great beyond, Freddie Mercury was screaming for them to stop, but no one heard him.

"You know", said a voice from behind Pepper. "I once had to sit and listen to mountain trolls sing, and their singing has been known to cause bleeding from the ears. I believe this is far, far worse."

"I thought you had left."

"I forgot Brunhilde." Loki held up a toy velociraptor dinosaur. "This is horribly painful and I'm not a masochist, so I will take my leave once again."

"Coward. Don't let the inter-dimensional door hit you in the ass on your way out."

Loki laughed. "You cannot blame me for this, I have no idea where that machine came from." Then he was gone.

Natasha and Jane had moved on to 'Waterloo'. Pepper had moved on to yet another glass of wine, and managed to maintain her smile through the butchery of 'I will Survive', 'Wannabe', 'I love Rock 'n' Roll', 'Dancing Queen', 'Old Time Rock & Roll', 'Mambo No. 5' and finally 'Baby, One more Time'.

"That was fun." Jane grabbed her wine glass. "You should try it at least once, Pepper."

"Ok." Pepper did 'Respect'. Natasha and Jane joined her to do the 'oohs, just a little bits and sock it to mes' on the song and then Pepper did a solo of 'Mickey'. More wine was consumed.

Natasha's cell phone rang and despite the fact that both Pepper and Jane were shaking their heads no, she answered it. She made a face while listening to the person on the other end. "Do you need me to come in?" more listening. "Ok then Bruce, see you Monday." She hung up. "Turn on HLN, I just found out where Loki went."

There on HLN were visuals of what looked like velociraptors running amok through Central Park and Times Square. In the background you could hear the occasional 'I'm going to kill your little brother, Thor' - Natasha recognized the voices as belonging to Tony and Steve. She watched as Clint fired an arrow at one of the reptiles, only to have it pass through and explode on impact with a tree, turning into tiny bits of green and gold and black glitter and confetti. It was very pretty. Clint's response was to yell that he was 'going to fucking kill Thor's little brother'. You didn't mess with Clint's gear. The dinosaurs were illusions, so no one was in any real danger, though that didn't keep people from panicking. Then, suddenly, they were gone.

"Please tell me you recorded that." Loki was back, bouncing up and down in anarchic glee. "I managed to make the illusions appear solid. I think it's some of my best work of late."

"No, but this is HLN so it will be repeated over and over again. You can probably download it from the site. If I were you, I'd be looking for someplace to hide right now, or on your way home to Asgard." Pepper shook her head at him. "Tony is liable to blast you now and ask questions later."

Loki snorted. "It was just a bit of fun. Thor will understand. I'm the God of Mischief, it's what I do." He grabbed a pint of Ben and Jerry's Mint Chocolate Cookie, a spoon, and then went out to the pool, losing his clothes along the way.

"Should we call one of the guys and let him know that Loki is here?" Jane asked.

"Nyet." Natasha answered. "Loki's naked again. I'm going out to the pool." Natasha grabbed the Vanilla Heath Bar Crunch, and a spoon on her way.

"That sounds good to me." Jane said. She grabbed a couple of spoons and Pepper grabbed a pint of Cherry Garcia.

Maybe it was the wine, who knows? But Loki soon found himself surrounded by three naked mortal women eating ice cream. Bemused by it all, he didn't think to protest when Natasha helped herself to some of his Mint Chocolate Cookie.

After the ice cream was gone, Loki left.

"You know, it's too bad he's so screwed up. I could jump those bones." Natasha said and the other two women nodded in agreement.

"I could fix him. I fixed Tony." Pepper got out and collected the empty ice cream cartons.

"No you didn't. He's still a self absorbed, sarcastic, arrogant ass who doesn't play well with others."

Pepper nodded. "Yeah, I guess you're right, he's still a work in progress. You doing anything with Clint?"

"The occasional friends with benefits, spies and assassins don't have significant others. How about you and Thor, Jane?"

"It took a while, and I had to finally take him by his man handle and drag him into bed with me, but it's good."

"I wonder what Loki is like in bed." Natasha mused.

"One of his unofficial titles is 'Whore of the Nine Realms', so I'd say pretty good." Jane got out and collected her clothes. "At least he gets a lot of practice time in."

Natasha nodded. She got out and collected her clothes as well and followed Jane inside.

The three women headed for their respective rooms for another shower and then bed.

tbc...


	3. Bodacious Babes on a Beach Blanket

**Bodacious Babes on a Beach Blanket**

The next morning, the women woke late and headed towards the kitchen. The door to the master bedroom suite was closed and they heard the sound of a shower running.

"I'm hoping that's Loki." Pepper said. "And I never thought I'd be saying that."

"Cinnabon cinnamon rolls!" Jane practically clapped her hands in joy, while Natasha gave her a half-hearted glare. There was just something wrong in being that perky before noon without the assistance of coffee.

They were enjoying the cinnamon rolls and coffee when a striking black haired woman walked in wearing what Pepper could only describe as a micro-bikini. If she was surprised at finding others in the kitchen, she hid it well, taking one of the cinnamon rolls.

"Hello?" Pepper said, but the woman didn't respond. Pepper looked over at Natasha and Jane. Jane shrugged.

Loki walked in wearing a dark green bathing suit that was little more than a g-string. "She doesn't speak English, so unless you speak ancient Babylonian or Assyrian, I'm afraid any attempt at conversation is doomed to failure." Loki grabbed a cinnamon roll. "May I present Ishtar, Goddess of love, war, fertility and sex. She's rather fickle and capricious, which is probably why we get along so well. Ishtar, this is Ms. Pepper Potts, Dr. Jane Foster and Agent Natasha Romanoff." Ishtar looked at them as their individual names were recited.

"Where did you two hook up?" Pepper asked. "Wait don't answer. I guess it was at some astral plane diety mixer."

"Actually we ran into one another in a Midgardian bar that caters to the other worldly, and I rescued her from that insufferable bore Ares." Loki smirked. "We're headed to the beach, if you want to join us."

"Sounds like a plan." Pepper answered. "Give us a mo' to change."

At the beach, Loki proceded to produce, seemingly out of nowhere, an enormous multicolored blanket, a couple of beach umbrellas, a picnic basket, beach towels, wine, and sun block. "I have what I guess you would call an inter-dimensional trunk I use to store things." In nothing flat, he had set up their own little oasis. He then started to walk towards the water. He didn't ask if anyone wanted to come with him, nor did he look back.

"Finally." Ishtar said.

"So you do speak English?" Jane asked.

Ishtar gave a put upon sigh worthy of Loki. "I am a Goddess, child, I speak all languages. Loki knows this. He was being an ass as usual. Honestly, if he wasn't the God of Foreplay, I wouldn't bother."

"Yet another title." Natasha said. "That one sounds promising."

"Believe it or not, Loki is an attentive and gifted sex partner. The trick is to kick him out of bed and out the door once you are sated, before you have to deal with his less desirable personality traits. I have failed in that, having come back to his place for sex, and so I am doomed to suffer. For a while anyway. At least there is wine."

"Well, this isn't Loki's place, it belongs to Tony Stark. But you know Loki.."

"I do what I want." All four women (well three female mortals and one Goddess) said together, then they started to laugh.

Hearing the laughter, Loki looked back at them and narrowed his eyes, certain he was the topic of discussion. Then he shrugged and laughed, it was to be expected. Besides, it is better to be talked about, even if it's negative, than not to be mentioned at all. That would be decidedly awful.

"You know the trouble with most men? When the balls drop at puberty, the brains go with them. You three are not unattractive for your kind, do you have partners?" Ishtar popped a grape into her mouth.

Natasha resisted rolling her eyes at the backhanded compliment. "I am a spy and assassin. While I do have sex, a relationship would be an occupational hazard." *_That's right Nat, just keep denying that you have feelings for Clint_*

"I'm in a relationship of sorts with Tony Stark, also known as Ironman. Tony's first love is himself. His lab and the Ironman suit would be second. J.A.R.V.I.S. and I are probably tied for third." Pepper nibbled on a piece of cheese.

"Thor. But it took a while. I almost gave up, but I was tired of replacing the batteries in my vibrator."

"Oh, you're THAT Jane. Aphrodite called you the doe eyed skank with little girl breasts. She's never been able to bed either Thor or Loki, and it vexes her greatly."

Jane snorted. So she'd been dissed by some Olympian tart. "According to Loki, she's a vapid, skanky, blonde ho'."

Ishtar laughed. "That's an apt description. The great Gilgamesh called me a castrating bitch, one who breaks her lovers to the halter and the whip. A devourer of men. I think my reputation is why Loki first sought me out. He wasn't even of age yet, but already skilled. Amora's doing, I imagine."

*_Lifestyles of the kinky and immortal_* Jane thought to herself. "Was he as obnoxious then?"

"It wasn't that long ago, not as we measure time. He's still quite young. And yes he was as obnoxious then as now." Ishtar looked towards the God of Mischief wading along the shore and smiled fondly.

Natasha tore off a piece of baguette, dipped it into a bowl containing flavored olive oil, then popped it into her mouth. Ishtar opened the wine, poured two glasses and went to join Loki.

"Has anyone else besides me and Tony pondered on how eerie ass our lives have become? Gods, Godesses, aliens, big slugs in metal armor, a sweet guy who turns into a Green rage monster, a super soldier who slept for seventy years? I mean, I started out in the Stark Industries secretarial pool. Now I'm the CEO, sleeping with a narcissistic self described 'genius billionaire playboy philanthropist', and watching two deities make out on the beach in Malibu. Sometimes I feel like I fell down the rabbit hole." Pepper shook her head bemusedly.

"Yep. Frigga came for a visit a few weeks ago. That was awkward." The memory caused Jane to pour a glass of wine for herself.

"Clint still has the occasional nightmare about his time as Loki's flying monkey." Natasha joined Jane in the wine drinking.

"We go back to the madhouse tomorrow. I think it would be best if we didn't mention Loki, especially since he did that thing with the velociraptors."

"Agreed."

Loki and Ishtar came walking back, took one of the bottles of wine, the rest of the grapes and headed back to the mansion.

Jane, Natasha and Pepper spent the rest of the afternoon wading in the surf, drinking wine, and snacking on the cheese and bread. By the time they returned, Loki and Ishtar were gone. There was a note from Loki promising to take care of cleaning up and a parting gift - a large bag of cheddar cheese popcorn, Hershey's chocolate bars and some DVDs. 'Faster Pussycat, Kill, Kill', 'Thelma and Louise', 'Resident Evil', 'Underworld', 'Terminator 1 and 2' and 'Aliens'.

Chicks kicking ass movies. It was gonna be a good night.

tbc..


	4. Home again, Home again

**Home again, Home again**

The taxi stopped in front of Stark Tower and three women got out, grabbed their bags, paid their fare, tipped the driver and went inside. Pepper wanted to check in before heading home, Jane was meeting up with Thor, and Natasha was bunking at the mansion for the time being. J.A.R.V.I.S sent them up.

The first thing Pepper noted was the replica of a velociraptor standing by the bar. She had to repress the urge to giggle. Tony gave her a hug and a kiss.

"How do you like the velociraptor? A gift from Loki, the bastard. Thor thought it was funny, but he thought the prank was funny too. So no help there. My ears didn't burn at all while you were gone and they're supposed to burn when someone is talking about you. So I guess you didn't talk about me?"

"I may have mentioned you once or twice."

"You hurt me, woman. My ego is bleeding."

"You'll live." Pepper kissed him on the cheek.

Natasha retrieved a bottle of water from the fridge and stood in the kitchen, talking quietly to Clint. Jane went to look for Thor. She found him in his room, and shut the door behind her, a smile on her face.

0000000000

Much later, they all assembled on the sofas, slices of pizza in one hand, beverages of choice in the other.

"So did you have a good girl's weekend?" Bruce asked.

"We ate, we drank, we talked, we sat in the pool, we sang karaoke, we watched movies, so yeah." Jane answered.

Tony gave Jane a puzzled look. "I don't have a karaoke machine."

"You do now. And a really nice grill."

"Thanks, Loki. I really want to kill your little brother Thor. Your father needs to explain to him that my Malibu mansion isn't his crib."

"My brother is grown, friend Tony. Why would he need a crib?"

Tony sighed. "Nevermind. Just talk to good old dad, ok?"

"Loki has done nothing wrong, but I will speak to my father. You must remember that Loki is the God of Mischief and it is in his nature to create chaos." Thor shrugged. "Loki does what he wants."

Bruce jumped into the conversation. "That kind of reasoning doesn't even work for a two year old. Next time Clint's arrows may not explode into confetti and glitter. Next time, I might be there. And the other guy doesn't think Loki is very funny. Just a warning."

Thor frowned at Bruce, but nodded. "My thanks."

"Loki's not that bad." Pepper said, before she could stop herself, which earned her a strange look from Tony. Damn. "Well, not anymore. He's less diabolical and more mischievous. He'll get bored and move onto something else."

"That's what worries me." Steve said. "We've seen Loki move on to something else before, and it's always something worse. The sooner he goes back to Asgard, the better."

"I agree." Clint said. "But I owe him some pain for messing with my weaponry. Sorry Thor." Natasha leaned over and whispered something into Clint's ear. He smiled and the two of them stood up and left the room.

Bruce headed to the lab, leaving Tony, Pepper, Steve, Jane and Thor. Pepper was going to call a cab, but gave into Tony's puppy-dog eyes and agreed to stay the night.

There was a flash of green and the Norse God of Mischief made his appearance, in Steve's lap, of all places. "Give us a kiss." Steve dumped him onto the floor. "Or not." Loki laughed. "You like my gift, Stark?"

Tony gave him a sour look. "No. And I want you to stop staying at my place in Malibu. It is not, I repeat, not your home away from Asgard. And can you explain the karaoke machine and grill?"

"I honestly have no idea where the karaoke machine came from. The grill, which is a very nice one, came from Director Fury. You might want to send him a note of thanks." Loki smirked.

Tony returned the smirk. Irritating Fury was a favorite pastime. Loki snagged a piece of pizza, then walked over to the bar and made a Cuba Libre for himself, which he sipped.

"I would love to tarry, but I am needed back in Asgard to work on the Bifrost, and I've already stayed longer than I should have. It would be very unpleasant if someone came to fetch me." He took another sip of his drink. "Rest assured Miss Potts that I left things neat and tidy, as promised."

"Uhm. Excuse me, a minute. Loki was there? I can't come with you, but Loki, who threw me through a window if you remember, he can?"

Pepper rolled her eyes. "He was there when we arrived. He didn't stay."

Loki nodded in agreement. "I popped in and out. I had more important things to do."

"Yeah. We all enjoyed the velociraptors." Tony frowned. He wasn't happy.

"I'm overjoyed." Loki finished his slice of pizza and disappeared.

"You know how I hate to keep repeating myself, but once again, can I just say that I want to kill your little brother, Thor."

Thor chuckled. Then he and Jane headed for Thor's room. Steve went to work out in the gym. Pepper and Tony sat there in somewhat awkward silence.

"Still want me to stay?" Pepper asked.

"Pepper, you kill me woman. Yes." Tony smiled.

"Ok, then." Pepper gave Tony a kiss on the cheek. The couple headed for Tony's room.

No one heard Bruce yelling from the lab "Son of a bitch. I'm gonna kill your little brother Thor!"

Once Bruce stopped yelling, things became quiet at the madhouse that was the Avengers Mansion. At least until the morning.


End file.
